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[zoomingupthathill]

WELCOME TO YOUR PRIVATE CHANNEL, MADMAX. FOR SECURE COMMUNICATION, USE 005.08.019.85 *** MADMAX has joined 005.08.019.85 <MADMAX> do your thing or whatever <MADMAX> don't be dumb

Main: MADMAX
Anon: houndsof

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[zoomingupthathill]

[



oh that really is just the end of that sentence huh okay the internet can work like that too ]

i mean
i dont know it was her house first

do you think shell want to come back?

[digiorno]

i don't know
my instinct at this point is to say 60/40 she will want to come back
well
no that's not right
80/20 she'll want to come back, 60/40 she'll actually say so. which means 60/40 is the relevant set of numbers here

it all depends on if she's in her right mind or not, and i can't predict that at this moment. i wish i had that information to give you, but i don't. and while i do have some context that might be helpful, i don't want to dump it on you without your permission; i can't imagine that would be helpful at all

as far as it being her house, i don't know. i think that her being here first is much less relevant than what she's done since she arrived. i also think it's less relevant by far than your comfort level. to be blunt, she was in the wrong here and she made you feel unsafe, and to me your ability to feel safe in your own home is of a higher priority than anything else. if you never feel comfortable having her live under the same roof as you again, then that's that as far as i'm concerned. it's not my personal ideal outcome, but i'm not going to delude myself into thinking it's not a possibility.

on, again, a personal level, i am not comfortable having her move back in until and unless she demonstrates (to me and ideally to you) that she understands what she did to you and why it was wrong. if she can't do that, i unfortunately can't trust her not to engage in the same behavior again — to you or to someone else.

[that. seems to be it, for a while. but then there's something else. the messages trickle in slowly]

if i can be honest
it probably isn't a good idea for her to move back in just yet for my own reasons, either
i am very angry with her and it's
i haven't had the chance to be angry properly
for what she's done to you and to fugo
and to me
it won't help anyone if she comes back without us having settled that
so i don't want it to seem as though you're the only person on whose shoulders this decision rests
i place priority on your feelings
but i don't want things to get back to "normal" right now
it would just be a festering wound

[it's. extremely honest. even more so than the first time they talked about this. he was raw with facts then, but this is emotion, pure and simple and clumsy, and he gives it to her because it feels like her right to have it. anger still doesn't feel natural or safe to him in this form, but it doesn't feel quite as constrictive. and he knows she's angry too. maybe it will help her to know, maybe it won't, but — it feels necessary, somehow.]

cw: abusive household introspection

[zoomingupthathill]

[ In the little pause, Max starts to sort her thoughts. It depends on how Trish reacts. How Trish demonstrates what she's learned from all of this, if anything, will determine if she can come back.

But Max doesn't know what that would look like. How she could quantify it. It sounds like what living with Billy was like, between that time Max threatened him with a nail bat and that time he died in her grip after saving El. Nothing more than brief acknowledgement, occasional small interactions. Respect that his father's tireless tirades could never inspire.

And when she tries to place Trish into that box, it doesn't feel right. She doesn't fit it. Everything had to shatter into a thousand pieces before Max could find a way to confront it, which is true in both situations. But this time, it wasn't her doing the actual confronting. She confided about the problems, and someone else stepped up. That's good, it's very good—but it means she can't see beyond this.

On a personal level as well... Max lived with Billy for four years before they reached that breaking point. She'd seen the worst of him, and surely never the best—but she'd also seen him grow up. There had been moments they could've almost been siblings. They could've been friends. She knew the things he liked and the smell of his obnoxious cologne, the bands he swore by and the ones he thought were garbage. In short, despite everything, Max cared about Billy. She still does. They have years of history.

And Trish...

Max has a gingerbread trail of memories from a different life and repeated aggressions and condescension over the course of less than a year. If she holds any love for Trish, it's only in what she means to the other people of the Palazzo.

So she doesn't know what to say. She should say something. He's asking her opinion on this, and no one has ever asked her opinion before on the relationship between herself and the people she lives with. Quite the opposite, actually, in that her mother never seemed to consider how any of it would affect her. Max has to find something to say. She can't let this slip by her—

But. Then Giorno keeps going. And he offers her little nuggets of information that change it, slightly.

After some time, she has something to send back. ]

then i dont want her back here until she does
until she settles what she has with you

itd be really easy for me to say i dont want her back here period
i dont have any real attachment to her
but if she really can change
if this really isnt all there is to her then i dont want to be the person who takes whats left of home away from her

it sucks to lose it even if its not what you want


what context do you have?