zoomingupthathill | RYSLIG; ic inbox

YOU'RE OLDER THAN ME?!

[ Max Mayfield has been utterly and completely destroyed. ]

[While Max is busy being destroyed, Basil is...completely flabbergasted, in contrast. If Max looks surprised, how do you think Basil feels?? Her reaction is so sharp and sudden that it causes him to jump nearly off the step he's sitting on, and for a brief moment he can feel his skin ripple with heat. He manages to reign it back in, thankfully.

AND. WELL

NOW HE HAS TO ASK-]

W....wait, how old are you?!

[LIKE at least for his part he can say he assumed Max was like....his age, but...]

[ Sorry Basil. This is a lot to process. She has to reevaluate here. ]

That birthday, the one that was like a month before and also in like a week— I'd just turned fifteen!

[What. WHAT.......no way that's real. At least, that's what he wants to say...but he can tell that Max is pretty shellshocked by this revelation as it is so, maybe not...]

I....oh...

[He looks quickly down at his claws in his lap, flustering.]

I thought you were my age...

[Okay no that wasn't the right thing to say either, shit]

[ And suddenly, Max is the one left feeling incredibly young. She does nothing to dissuade this, as she rushes to clarify: ]

I mean, I almost am!! I mean- if I counted mine, I'd be!

[ But that only sounds like a childish pout. ]

W-well...it's okay, I mean...it feels like you're sixteen to me? So, y-you know...you're...you might as well be....basically.

[God, this all feels super backwards. Like, arguably there's actually a reason Basil seems so much younger than he is, but it's not really something he realizes...meanwhile Max could be walking around telling people she was eighteen and Basil is pretty sure he wouldn't have corrected her.]

[ After a moment, Max deflates, hanging her head. Her broken antler sways as she does. ]

No. No, I did just say it felt...weird. Ugh, shit, I'm sorry. Here I was treating you like some little kid... Look, one of the most badass people I know's twelve, so I swear it wasn't like I thought you can't handle yourself.

It's okay. I didn't take it like that.

[Basil is...used to people belittling him on purpose. He knows what it's like, and that isn't what Max was trying to say at all.]

...I'm glad we're close to the same age, anyway.

[Things probably wouldn't have been that much different if he were thirteen and Max were fifteen, but...he doesn't want to be that age anymore.]

[ By now, Max has almost completely recalibrated her brain. This is Basil. Not a kid, but a guy around her age. Older. Shy, soft-spoken, and pretty gentle.

And, she decides... Yeah, she likes this better. Even if it's weird that she's actually the youngest in the palazzo. ]

Yeah, me too. [ A moment. ] Do you, uh... I mean, do you wanna do something? For your birthday, I mean. I know it might not really count, and it already happened, but...

[ An awkward half-shrug. ]

[Maybe it's telling, how immediate it is the way Basil shakes his head. Then he realizes "wow that probably looks really bad", so he's quick to clarify.]

I haven't...really done a whole lot for it, the last couple of years.

[With his grandmother sick and Polly busy taking care of them both...Basil isn't going to ask for anything. Even though Polly makes sure he gets a little something for his birthday every year, Basil sure isn't going out of his way to celebrate. It's just another year...nothing more.]

I'm sure everyone else is busy too...with everything that's happened, and stuff.

[ It is telling, so Max appreciates the follow-up. It explains a few things...including something stirring in her own gut. Max nods in understanding and glances away. ]

Right. Well... It's whatever you wanna do, I'm not gonna push. I just remembered, last year I kinda... Mine just came and went and it felt...weird, not to do anything, so, if you wanted to just...acknowledge it somehow. Not even with anyone else, or- even me.

[ Fidget, fidget, fidget. This suggestion, half-formed in her mind, felt less weird when she thought he was younger. Just slightly. ]

[...oh. That's...so thoughtful, Basil thinks.

Now it's his turn to fidget, though he's moreso toying with his own claws, bright red against the black his hands have become. He doesn't even really have fingers anymore with how big his claws are...they've taken their place entirely.]

Acknowledge it...how?

[ A long moment. Max has been living the last seven days with no consequences. It doesn't matter what she says, because no one in the house will remember it. That's not so now, so she has to right herself. Social interactions have consequences again, and she's always been oh-so-bad at navigating those. ]

I dunno, like... Pick a day and do something. Doesn't have to be big, like- starting a new book or...going on a walk, just...do something and think... I'm doing this for my birthday.

[ A quick addendum, right after— ]

God, that sounds so cheesy and- it's just the first thing that came to mind.

[Basil of course is still trying to wrap his head around it all. It's done him well to try not to think about it, because then he starts worrying about losing his memory again...

Instead, he giggles, shaking his head.]

N-no, that...sounds really nice, actually. I like that idea.

[He pauses, looking over at Max now instead of his hands.]

It's been a long time since I've really...done anything like that, for myself.

[The last thing he can think of is when he played in the sand like he was five at the community center, but that...was different because it was on impulse. Instincts, or whatever.

But then...he adds:]

Did you actually get to do anything for your birthday? Because if not...you should.

[ Thank god, he doesn't think she's like, lame or something—which is something that's honestly hilarious to think about, that part of her was worried about that, not appearing cool after all the shit that's happened. That's not even entirely accurate; Max just still has trouble expressing those things.

The soft ones.

Her fingers fiddle about, and she finds she keeps accidentally poking her own paw pads. ]

Well, uh- no. Back home it just... I had other shit on my mind, and it passed me by.

[ This is the most awkward way to admit I was too depressed to realize I turned 15 ever. ]

But, here, it's not for another few days, so.

[ She goes to her default: The patented half-shrug. ]

[OOPS now it's Basil's turn to snap his head over to look at Max, actually gasping aloud.]

Y-your birthday is coming up too?

[ Oh. Oh no. Oh she wouldn't have admitted that so casually if she hadn't realized- she said it, earlier, but really obtusely—

Her ears straighten up very abruptly. ]

W-well- yeah! I said that, didn't I say that, it just- it doesn't count, it's like yours!

That doesn't matter!

[Basil shakes his head a little as he sits up to face her, his claws balled up into fists in front of him.]

I-I'd still like to know when it is...so I can wish you a happy birthday. Even if you don't count it...or do anything for it.

[It's funny, even though they've talked about how weird it is to have their birthdays overlap in Ryslig like this, here Basil is still wanting to acknowledge Max's. Her's matters.]

[ Well... Would you look at that. Max's hooves turn inward and sort of tap together. ]

It's the 27th, alright? Almost at the end of the month.

I'll remember.

[Better. He had no idea their birthdays were that close...]

So then...next year we'll count our birthdays.

[He isn't trying to think too hard about what that means- next year- and is just saying it for what it is.]

You'll be sixteen, and I'll be seventeen.

[ Next year. It would freeze her heart were it not already still and icy cold. ]

Yeah... I might not even be aging anymore, though. [ Icy, icy cold. ] A girl here... She was one of what I became when she was seven and just...didn't grow.

[ ...Okay. That may be weighing on her a bit. ]

So who knows, maybe I'll have a Happy-Still-Fifteen party.

[...oh. That's...not something Basil had thought about. Max, her body...it's dead. So she is right, in a sense...she can't grow, at least not physically.

But Basil shakes his head a little anyway. He doesn't want to believe that, or think about it that way.]

You're growing up on the inside, though. No matter what kind of monster you are. That...I don't think the Fog God can take that away from you.

[ It was an unfortunate tidbit of knowledge Max learned very early on in her transformation. It contributed to a major depressive downturn, so of course she's being casual about it. Deadpan, sarcastic. Almost joking.

The alternative—letting it overtake her, pull her down so far she can't stand back up—frightens her. She thinks it's the only one, but... ]

...Now who's being cheesy? [ It's murmured. No disparaging tone, just matter-of-fact. ] Thanks, Basil. Really.

[Back when he was younger, Basil used to always talk about how he wanted to be like Sunflowers. Always facing the sun. Always optimistic, looking on the bright side of things. And while that is often times near impossible in Ryslig, and even worse at times back home, it's something he hasn't forgotten.

And given how it's so easy to be negative here, and trap yourself in a never-ending loop of it...well. Let's just say it's easier for Basil to show optimism towards someone else's plight than it is towards his own.]

You're welcome.

[He swings his legs over the edge of the steps a little, leaning forward with his hands braced against either side of himself.]

I guess...maybe it's too early to think about that kind of stuff anyway. We can worry about that when we're actually monsters, for real.

[Because for Basil, it's not "real" yet, at least not in the same physical way that it is for some. The fire was real, and his claws and scaled are too...but he gets the sinking feeling this is just the tip of the iceberg of what's to come.]

[ Max doesn't say she thinks her transformation is done. Nor that ever since she first started them, she's had to rely on eating human meat for sustenance.

She doesn't say that she's been struggling with the definition of the word monster for quite some time. That from some perspectives—i thought you were getting better but you aren't are you—from some, she was already one.

Max looks out at the sunset with a distant expression. None of that would help. None of it. So she doesn't say it, instead choosing to live in the happier thoughts. The moments of reassurance. Maybe that'll work some day. ]

Yeah. [ Voice even. ] Find that happy medium, remember?

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cw: casual ableism in narration

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